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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and also extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Why Do Kids Repeat Themselves
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