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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Why Do Kids
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Why Do Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Why Do Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Why Do Kids
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Why Do Kids
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Why Do Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Why Do Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Why Do Kids
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Why Do Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Why Do Kids
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Why Do Kids
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Why Do Kids
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Why Do Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Why Do Kids
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Why Do Kids
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