Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant misbehavior

• Offering your children every little thing they want Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Here are a number of the methods Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, and assist your child to reach his/her full potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling below it

• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

How can you become a positive parent? Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Why Do Some Children Overcome Adversity


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