Why Do Toddlers Hit Others – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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Why Do Toddlers Hit Others
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting method.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they ask for Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Helping kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mama or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Discover the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it

• Many upset children are really frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Why Do Toddlers Hit Others

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Why Do Toddlers Hit Others


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