Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they want Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mama or daddy you’ve always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion beneath it

• A lot of angry children are really scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Why Does It Take My Child So Long To Do Homework


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