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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Why Does My 7 Year Old Cry All The Time
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