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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Why Does My Child Talk Back
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Why Does My Child Talk Back
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Why Does My Child Talk Back
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Why Does My Child Talk Back
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Why Does My Child Talk Back
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Why Does My Child Talk Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Why Does My Child Talk Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Why Does My Child Talk Back
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Why Does My Child Talk Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Why Does My Child Talk Back
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Why Does My Child Talk Back
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Why Does My Child Talk Back
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Why Does My Child Talk Back
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Why Does My Child Talk Back
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Why Does My Child Talk Back
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.