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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy child development Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we have to want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Why Does My Toddler Hit Me
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