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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy child development Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mom or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his or her full potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Why Does Toddler Hit Himself In The Head
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.