Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Why Don't Parents Discipline Their Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

Why Don't Parents Discipline Their Child

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they ask for Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it

• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Why Don’t Parents Discipline Their Child


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