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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.*.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. *.* Year Old Would Rather Throw Things Than Give It To Me
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