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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. You Fights
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.You Fights
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach You Fights
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development You Fights
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? You Fights
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want You Fights
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. You Fights
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. You Fights
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … You Fights
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. You Fights
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. You Fights
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? You Fights
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? You Fights
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. You Fights
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. You Fights
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